Mental Health and Milkshakes . . .
I recently stumbled across a photo that took me back to a time where I struggled to find the ground beneath my feet. My divorce was not yet final, and I was new to adapting to a coparenting schedule with clumsy transitions. Weekly therapy appointments provided us with some structure and rhythm as we adjusted to our new normal.
On Tuesdays, I would pour out all my feelings into my own therapy chair, hoping to squeeze out every drop so as to not spill any excess onto my kids. (Obviously sharing this intention sheds light on my subsequent work on embracing imperfection. I remember in one session, I proudly boasted to my therapist on how successfully I completed a half-ass task: “I’d like you to give me an A+ on my B effort, please!” I’m not sure I’ve ever made a therapist laugh so hard.)
After I worked on myself, I picked up my kids from school and spent hours in a waiting room while each child took a turn with our play-based therapist. At that time, I was petrified by the idea that a failed marriage would equate to failing my kids. I didn’t have the confidence or bandwidth to be able to manage their feelings about divorce while juggling my own. I felt a dual sense of humility and grace in recognizing that I couldn’t do this on my own and that I was worthy of receiving support. Those nights, we would be so spent, I surrendered any remaining parenting efforts to our favorite burger joint in town for dinner. It almost became Pavlovian - every time Tuesday rolled around, our mouths watered for burgers and milkshakes. I tossed the perfectionism of a home-cooked meal out the window for fries as salty as my tears.
In some ways, I’m grateful that divorce created a catalyst for us all to break through the therapy-stigma barrier, so that we can all continue to lean into mental health resources as life throws us curveballs. My goal as their parent is not to act as their therapist, but to continue to guide and model how to utilize resources that are available to us when life gets challenging and we require additional support.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Part of my work as a divorce transition coach includes helping my clients research and establish ALL resources that best support their journeys.
Divorce is hard and messy. Sometimes taking care of yourself looks like a green smoothie, sometimes it looks like a greasy cheeseburger. No one will tell you there’s a “perfect path” through - especially me.
But there are glimmers along the way, and there is light on the other side.
Love,
