Simple gifts

I love Thanksgiving. I always consider November as a “stripped down” version of December’s often chaotic holiday frenzy. With Thanksgiving, gifts take the form of shared presence and shared plates. When I think back to my first few holidays in the midst of my divorce, I noticed parallels in my divorce season with November’s offering of Thanksgiving. My life at that time felt stripped down in many ways.  I was mindful about eliminating what I no longer needed, and I was intentional about adding anything onto my plate. My focus was singular: to create a shared space for myself and my children with room at the table for new opportunities and growth.

When we lose loved ones, we tend to glorify them in death. We gloss over negative experiences, and we erect monuments glamorizing only their accolades. We fantasize what life might be like by taking those positive attributes and writing them in like a choose-your-own adventure read. When the life of a marriage ends, it’s easy to do the same. We know that neither past-glorification or future-fantasizing are rooted in reality. And while the void of these things may trigger loss, it’s possible to use it as space for recognizing the beauty of what is and the possibility of what can be.

It’s normal for our thoughts to slip into these old patterns. I experienced this, and I eventually discovered a few strategies to help me move through.  The first was to enlist the power of the pause . . . then allow those thoughts to pass like a side dish making its way around the table. The second was to practice  the pivot: shifting my focus from the empty seat at the table that once was to the open space that is. This allowed me to open myself to new and beautiful experiences that were making way into my life. I look forward to sharing  stories within this community to hear how they are making their way into yours.

Happy Thanksgiving,